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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Used
Irish
People
Catholic
Humor
Grow
Stupid
Grows
American
Funny

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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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Hooray for most things!
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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