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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Catholic
Humor
Grow
Stupid
Grows
American
Funny
Used
Irish

More quotes by George Carlin

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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Religion is just mind control.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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