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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Keep
Swimming
Way
Sport
People
Humor
Stupid
Sports
Common
Funny
Sense
Drowning
More quotes by George Carlin
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin
I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
George Carlin
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
George Carlin
Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
George Carlin
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
You never see a smiling runner.
George Carlin
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
