Quote

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Way
Sport
People
Humor
Stupid
Sports
Common
Funny
Sense
Drowning
Keep
Swimming

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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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