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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sense
Drowning
Keep
Swimming
Way
Sport
People
Humor
Stupid
Sports
Common
Funny
More quotes by George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George Carlin
One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
George Carlin
Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin
Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
George Carlin
