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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Inspirational
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Take
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Miles
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More quotes by George Carlin

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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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No comment is a comment.
George Carlin
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
George Carlin
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
George Carlin
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
George Carlin