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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Take
Silly
Miles
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Kilometers
Travel
Tripping
Fun
Shorter
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Traveler
Inspirational
Trip
Next
Gas
More quotes by George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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