Quote

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dollar
Machines
Dollars
Changed
Funny
Money
Change
Nothing
Nothingness

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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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