Quote

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dollars
Changed
Funny
Money
Change
Nothing
Nothingness
Dollar
Machines

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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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