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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Shoe
Fits
Fit
Shoes
Another
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More quotes by George Carlin
If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
George Carlin
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin
Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
George Carlin
Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
George Carlin
I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
Language always gives you away.
George Carlin
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
George Carlin
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
George Carlin
It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
George Carlin
I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
George Carlin
President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
