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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Ever
Wisdom
Electron
Think
Call
Electrons
Thinking
Greater
Punish
Bigs
Reward
Understand
Rewards
Doesn
Judge
Order
Judging
Part
Higher
More quotes by George Carlin
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Life is not that complicated.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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