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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Proper
Training
Genius
Evil

More quotes by George Carlin

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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
George Carlin
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
George Carlin
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
George Carlin
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
George Carlin
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin