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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Proper
Training
Genius
Evil

More quotes by George Carlin

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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
George Carlin
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
George Carlin
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin