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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Proper
Training
Genius
Evil

More quotes by George Carlin

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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
George Carlin
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
George Carlin
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
George Carlin
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George Carlin
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
George Carlin
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
George Carlin
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
George Carlin
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
George Carlin
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin