Quote

With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Proper
Training
Genius
Evil

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Image
Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
George Carlin
Image
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
George Carlin
Image
There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
George Carlin
Image
Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
George Carlin
Image
I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
George Carlin
Image
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
Image
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
Image
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
Image
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
Image
Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
George Carlin
Image
I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
Image
The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
George Carlin
Image
Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
Image
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
Image
I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
Image
The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
George Carlin
Image
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
Image
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
George Carlin
Image
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin