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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Meaning
Humor
Changed
Funny
Life
Comedian
Discovered
More quotes by George Carlin
People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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