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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Mind
Thinking
Like
Destroys
Drugs
Atheist
Atheism
Drug
Religion

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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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