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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Like
Destroys
Drugs
Atheist
Atheism
Drug
Religion
Mind
Thinking

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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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