Quote

Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Touch
Created
Tell
Believe
Wet
Things
Painted
Men
Invisible
People
Sky

More quotes by George Carlin

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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
George Carlin
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
George Carlin