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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Men
Painted
People
Invisible
Sky
Touch
Created
Tell
Believe
Things
Wet
More quotes by George Carlin
When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
George Carlin
There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
George Carlin
I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
Surround yourself with what you love.
George Carlin
We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
The status quo sucks.
George Carlin
I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
George Carlin
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
George Carlin
