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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Self
Selves
Shall
Religion
Keep

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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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