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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Selves
Shall
Religion
Keep
Self

More quotes by George Carlin

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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
George Carlin
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
George Carlin
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
George Carlin
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
George Carlin
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
George Carlin
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
George Carlin
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
George Carlin
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin