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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Selves
Shall
Religion
Keep
Self

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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