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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Shall
Religion
Keep
Self
Selves

More quotes by George Carlin

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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
George Carlin
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
George Carlin
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George Carlin
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
George Carlin
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
George Carlin
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
George Carlin
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
George Carlin
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin