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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Away
Moments
Fitness
Take
Measured
Life
Birthday
Breaths
Breathe
Hope
Inspirational
More quotes by George Carlin
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
George Carlin
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
George Carlin
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
George Carlin
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
George Carlin
