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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Breaths
Breathe
Hope
Inspirational
Away
Moments
Fitness
Take
Measured
Life
Birthday
More quotes by George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
George Carlin
