Quote

I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Moron
Called
Real
Thing
Thinking

More quotes by George Carlin

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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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