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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Real
Thing
Thinking
Moron
Called

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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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No comment is a comment.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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