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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Moron
Called
Real
Thing
Thinking

More quotes by George Carlin

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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
George Carlin
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
George Carlin
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
George Carlin
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
George Carlin
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin