Quote

What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Around
Dogs
Dog
Lying
Jobs

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
Image
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George Carlin
Image
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
Image
For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
George Carlin
Image
Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin
Image
I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
George Carlin
Image
I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
Image
The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
George Carlin
Image
I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
Image
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
Image
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
Image
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
Image
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
Image
It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
Image
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
George Carlin
Image
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
Image
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
George Carlin
Image
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
Image
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
Image
I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin