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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dogs
Dog
Lying
Jobs
Around
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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