Quote

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Give
Multi
States
Edge
Giving
Edges
Life
Lows
Cutting
High
Nanosecond
State
Coastal
Art
Tech

More quotes by George Carlin

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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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