Quote

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Give
Multi
States
Edge
Giving
Edges
Life
Lows
Cutting
High
Nanosecond
State
Coastal
Art
Tech

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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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