Quote

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Give
Multi
States
Edge
Giving
Edges
Life
Lows
Cutting
High
Nanosecond
State
Coastal
Art
Tech

More quotes by George Carlin

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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
George Carlin
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
George Carlin