Quote

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Give
Multi
States
Edge
Giving
Edges
Life
Lows
Cutting
High
Nanosecond
State
Coastal
Art
Tech

More quotes by George Carlin

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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
George Carlin
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
George Carlin
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
George Carlin
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
George Carlin
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I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
George Carlin
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
George Carlin