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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Think
Treats
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Genuine
Consequence
Responsible
However
Christian
Manner
Everyone
Consequences

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All music is the blues. All of it.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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