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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Consequence
Responsible
However
Christian
Manner
Everyone
Consequences
Treat
Another
Treats
Think
Genuine
Thinking

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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Life is not that complicated.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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