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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Every
Humorous
Challenge
Side
Challenges
Sides
Situation
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More quotes by George Carlin

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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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No comment is a comment.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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