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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Find
Every
Humorous
Challenge
Side
Challenges
Sides
Situation
More quotes by George Carlin
Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
George Carlin
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George Carlin
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
George Carlin
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
George Carlin
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
George Carlin
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
