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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
First
Attend
Never
Principle
Humor
Principles
Funny
Anything
Firsts
Annuals
Matter
Annual
More quotes by George Carlin
It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
George Carlin
Language always gives you away.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George Carlin
I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
George Carlin
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Your home is your refuge.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
George Carlin
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
