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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Firsts
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Annual
First
Attend
Never
Principle
Humor
Principles
Funny
Anything
More quotes by George Carlin
Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
George Carlin
It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
George Carlin
I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
George Carlin
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
George Carlin
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
George Carlin
I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
George Carlin
I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
George Carlin
It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
George Carlin
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
