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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Principles
Funny
Anything
Firsts
Annuals
Matter
Annual
First
Attend
Never
Principle
More quotes by George Carlin
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
George Carlin
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
George Carlin
Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
