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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Anything
Firsts
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Annual
First
Attend
Never
Principle
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More quotes by George Carlin
Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
