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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Principle
Humor
Principles
Funny
Anything
Firsts
Annuals
Matter
Annual
First
Attend

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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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