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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Principle
Humor
Principles
Funny
Anything
Firsts
Annuals
Matter
Annual
First
Attend
More quotes by George Carlin
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
George Carlin
