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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Much
Poor
Lost
Incentive
Given
Incentives
Tell
Conservatives
Money
Invest
Political
Lose
Give
Loses
Giving
Rich
More quotes by George Carlin
It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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A pear is a failed apple.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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