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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Underestimate
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Stupidity
Never
Intelligence
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Advice
More quotes by George Carlin
And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
George Carlin
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
George Carlin
Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
George Carlin
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
