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The older you get, the better you realize you were.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Older
Realize
Realizing
Better

More quotes by George Carlin

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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin