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The older you get, the better you realize you were.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Older
Realize
Realizing
Better

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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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