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The older you get, the better you realize you were.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Older
Realize
Realizing
Better

More quotes by George Carlin

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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
George Carlin
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
George Carlin
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
George Carlin
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
George Carlin
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
George Carlin
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
George Carlin
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
George Carlin
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
George Carlin
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
George Carlin
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
George Carlin
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin