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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
World
Sitting
Humor
Stage
Audience
Funny
Inspirational

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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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