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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Captain
Captains
Wine
Goes
Crunch

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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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