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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bagpipes
Hooked
Crack
Cracks
Aren
Play
Many
People

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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Life is a series of dogs.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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