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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Many
People
Bagpipes
Hooked
Crack
Cracks
Aren
Play

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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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