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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cracks
Aren
Play
Many
People
Bagpipes
Hooked
Crack
More quotes by George Carlin
Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
George Carlin
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
Surround yourself with what you love.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
George Carlin