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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Caterpillar
Funny
Caterpillars
Doe
Publicity
Work
Sarcastic
Butterfly
Witty
Humorous
Gets

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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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