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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Need
Parents
Promoting
Children
Proud
Sarcastic
Scholastic
Needs
Parent
Witty
Scholastics
Like
Child
Humorous
Sticker
Funny
Sufficient
Bumper
Doesn
Esteem
Achievements
Back
Achievement
Minor
Self
Car
Minors
More quotes by George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Religion is just mind control.
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