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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Children
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Scholastic
Needs
Parent
Witty
Scholastics
Like
Child
Humorous
Sticker
Funny
Sufficient
Bumper
Doesn
Esteem
Achievements
Back
Achievement
Minor
Self
Car
Minors
Need
Parents
Promoting
More quotes by George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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