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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Witty
Comedian
Funny
Stuff
House
Keep
Place
Hilarious
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More quotes by George Carlin

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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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