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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Place
Home
Hilarious
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Comedian
Funny
Stuff
House
Keep
More quotes by George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
George Carlin
Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
George Carlin
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
George Carlin
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
George Carlin
That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
George Carlin
